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Anothi's Journal

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10/3/09 11:06 pm - ayleid - 11th of Frostfall, 3E 419

Pretty woke me up early in the morning. When I opened my eyes, he and Narsis were standing there with my things. They didn’t say much. Pretty kissed my head as we left his room. I never looked back as I followed them, but that was the last time I would ever be there. I wished I had turned around… just once.

Armeldi declared our home abandoned that day, and we moved. I feel a little empty inside...

Goodbye.

10/3/09 11:04 pm - ayleid - 10th of Frostfall, 3E 419

We keep hearing strange noises just outside the border of our home. It sounds scary, like rustling leaves and breaking branches… like something is out there. None of us are allowed to be outside after dark anymore. It makes me sad because I will really miss walking through the forest with Pretty.

I don’t want to believe that Pretty led someone here to hurt us, but… no, I shouldn't doubt him. He's the only one that's been by my side through all of this.

10/3/09 11:03 pm - ayleid - 9th of Frostfall, 3E 419

I cried tonight for no reason. Maybe I had a reason, but I forgot what it was… Pretty kissed me when he saw me panic. I calmed down so quickly… the last time he kissed me was a few days before Narsis took my journal.

Well… I guess I became lost in the moment… and grew too greedy because… I wanted more kisses, but he grabbed me and held me still. His face was very red… so was mine. I told him I was sorry and he gave me a hug. I feel something strong deep inside me… screaming for him. Is this normal? So many things are in my head! I’m afraid! I think I may cry again.

10/3/09 11:00 pm - ayleid - 8th of Frostfall, 3E 419

Pretty says he’s from Nenalata, and that Mother saved his life when she found him. Nenalata is in Cyrod, he says, but I can’t ever go there, it’s dangerous. When I asked why, he wouldn’t answer me. Still… I don’t care. He’s the only one I trust.

10/3/09 10:57 pm - ayleid - 7th of Frostfall, 3E 419

I heard Narsis and Armeldi yelling this morning. Something about Pretty being dangerous to our location and that he tricked us. They talked about the mark on his hand. I’ve seen it many times, but every time I asked why it was there, he would just change the subject. Narsis defended Pretty. I was surprised. I don’t care what Armeldi thinks Pretty did wrong, or where he came from, I love him. But… I do want to ask.

10/3/09 10:56 pm - ayleid - 6th of Frostfall, 3E 419

I still feel like a girl. Don’t I? I am a girl… right? I don’t sound like a girl. I don’t really look like a girl anymore. My shoulders look like Narsis’, and my hips look like my Mother’s… and… that’s why Mother was poking at me. Pretty says I’m fine just the way I am.

How can I be a Princess if I’m not a girl? I’m not a full girl… I’m only half of a girl. What am I? Why am I this way? Is there a reason? Pretty says I’m fine the way I am, but will he still love me? Does Narsis still love me?!

10/3/09 10:54 pm - ayleid - 5th of Frostfall, 3E 419

My voice isn’t the same anymore. The changes that happened to me make me realize why everyone stared at me strangely. I’m… I’m not normal. I sound like a boy… so I asked Narsis why. He told me that I was blessed by the Lord Sheogorath while I was still in Mother’s belly… the look on his face was almost like he felt sorry for me. I was okay with the blessing until I talked to Pretty about it… he says that Sheogorath is the Madgod. So… this God is insane and blessed me. WITH WHAT?!

10/3/09 10:52 pm - ayleid - 1st of Frostfall, 3E 419

If I have to stay in this room for another day, I might go crazy myself… I think it’s stupid that I have to stay indoors all the time. I miss the walks, the trees, the toads, and holding Pretty’s hand. I will ask him if we can sneak out soon… go to our secret grove.

10/3/09 10:50 pm - ayleid - 29th of Hearthfire, 3E 419

Everyone is on edge now, crazy almost. They’re always looking over their shoulders; jumping at sounds. I stay in Pretty’s room all the time now. We haven’t been able to go for our walks and adventures since Alache passed away. I feel like a prisoner. Narsis has been checking on me every hour it seems, asking me if I’m okay. He even asked if Pretty was okay. I want to stay angry with Narsis, but after all of the bad things that happened… I don’t feel angry anymore, just scared. I don't know what I would do if I lost Narsis... and I don't want to think of what I would do if I lost... Pretty.

10/3/09 10:47 pm - ayleid - 23rd of Hearthfire, 3E 419

Much has happened... I don't know what to say, how to feel. Pretty is the only reason I even leave the bed anymore...

Alache is dead. Sankri and Deirdre, they brought him home... He’s gone. He looked so still and pale. I’m scared now, more than I ever was before. I don’t know what to think. The Necromancers are very real, and Narsis says it’s only a matter of time now. We… buried Alache at dusk. Pretty held me close, despite the mean glares everyone gave us. I didn’t cry, I don’t know why I would cry… I just held onto Pretty and watched. I didn’t know Alache all that well. Should I feel bad for feeling nothing? I’m so confused.
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